Adventures with Cari and Kerri

My friend and former college roommate Cari was getting hitched this weekend and I had decided to fly out to NYC for the ceremony. My friend, the awesome Dr. Jen let me stay with her in the Columbia Medical Student dorms. Her view rocked my face off. It was on the 28th floor with a direct view of the Brooklyn Bridge. For real. I felt like being at Columbia with this awe inspiring view would make me want to become a better person, but instead, I was happy to sit and admire while stroking my newly aquired Prada bag from China town.

On my way to New York, Cari had called me to ask if I would act as the ceremony officiant because her officiant had come in contact with salmonella or ecoli or something else that makes stuff shoot out of every orafice. I was thrilled. I now am demanding all I meet call me "Sista Love."

Cari came down the aisle looking stunning in a strapless mermaid gown with a bird cage veil and a tear rolling down her cheek. My heart started to swell and tears pooled at the bottom of my eyes. I tried to focus on the task at hand, but it really was a beautiful moment. Suddenly I felt a distinct warmth from the candlelight fireplace behind me. If I had actually caught fire, we could have totally won money from Bob Saget and that riduculous show where kids punch people in the crotch and animals do cute stuff.

When I got back to Kentucky, it was work, work, work. After a hard week, I was working late on a Friday and I felt the twinge of hunger. I am convinced that when God was making people, he made my friend Kerri just to amuse me. Not only is she a constant ray of sunshine, I know that when my dumb ass is working late on a Friday, there is a pretty good chance her dumb ass is working late on a Friday. I gave her a ring and we made plans to meet at the always hip and super trendy Red Lobster. Ok, it is not hip or trendy, but they totally had all you can eat shrimp.

I gave her my typical "this is endless shrimp, so buckle in, I'm gonna be here for a while" speech. She did not flinch. Instead, she ordered the same and kept up with me plate for plate as we plowed through masses of breaded shrimp, cajun shrimp, shrimp pasta, coconut shrimp, shrimp scampi, yeah, yeah, I saw that scene in Forrest Gump too.

Moral of the story: no matter how you spell it, Cari/Kerri. Find one and keep them forever.