Happy Fat Ass Day

Today we will celebrate eating way too much and planning to spend way too much tomorrow during Black Friday adventures. Yay! If you are my friends TJ Brooker and Halladay Celebration, you are working. Boo!

Last night we all got together to celebrate finishing boot camp. What better way to commemorate a healthier lifestyle than to go to Morton's and gorge ourselves with steak. My friend Renee teased that she had fried turkey at her house when I dropped her off. I told her the only way I could fit it in my dress after dinner was if she shoved it up my ass. She politely declined.

I know that this day is where amateurs sit on the sidelines and have a sliver of turkey breast with no gravy and a side salad. Eff those guys. This is the day where I really shine. I'm currently deciding which "eatin dress" I'll be strapping on for the festivities. It has to look semi nice but have enough elastic to make it to the pumpkin pie stretch. I should just get over it and buy a maternity dress for this day. For those not paying attention, no I am not pregnant.

I got up this morning and ran, eh hem, walked 2 miles. My shins were on fire the entire time. There has to be a better way. Blargh. My left foot keeps cramping up. I'll have to do some stretching before hitting the stores tomorrow. I won't be beat out of a Spiderman action figure by a soccer mom who thinks she has Black Friday down. Rekinize.

Go Kat, it's your birthday

Literally. It is my birthday. The big 31.

The first thing I want to do is give a huge congrats to all my fellow boot campers. Especially my good friend Jessie who shattered her goal of running the mile in 10 minutes. I was so very proud of her. I shaved about 25 seconds off my mile. Not huge, but an accomplishment nonetheless. I added about 12 push ups to my minute, so all in all, not bad. After graduation day, the coaches gave us parting gifts like a set of dog tags and a winter hat then took us all out for some coffee. It was nice to see everyone, you know, not sweating and grunting.

I climbed in my car after coffee and I realized it was over. I can't really say if it was pride or sadness or a combination of both, but I began weeping like a child. I laid my face up against my frosty steering wheel and gave it a good hug while letting out the "nobody's looking ugly cry." It was a nice time to look back at the last year and see all of the wonderful things that have happened. I list boot camp right in there with the rest.

I wanted to keep the momentum going after some really encouraging words from friends, especially the comments on the "Moment of Truth" post and a lovely email from my favorite Jersey Girl, the brand new Mrs. Laughman. I headed to the gym on Saturday for a group weight lifting class. I packed my new confidence and upgraded my weights when I got there. It was really, really tough, but I knew that I could do it. The burning and weak feeling in my arms and legs gave me a high I hadn't had in a while. I wanted to keep it going. I thought it was time to get some cardio in.

I stayed for the step class. Big mistake. The first half hour wasn't bad, but I got lost with all the moves and transitions. I spent the last half hour severely frustrated and walking around in a circle. I couldn't understand and I couldn't follow. I left 10 minutes early. I was amazed that after two hours at the gym, I was feeling deflated and sad. Lesson learned. Step is not for me.

I got home a little embarrassed that one class could bum me out so much. I went home to tell my husband all about it and this is what I found.

He made me a chocolate pudding bundt cake. He says he wanted it to say "boot camp ninja" (the girls called me "Ninja Kat" when I pulled my headband over my mouth and nose to keep from freezing) but the candy letter packet only had one n. Foiled! He would have gotten away with if not for those meddling kids and their stupid dog.

Today, I'm not afraid of 31. I have friends and family who love me and support me. I have a cat who can sleep in the same position for nine hours straight.

What more could one person ask for?

The Moment of Truth

Tomorrow is graduation day for boot camp. I can't believe it has been a month. I had my body assessment last night. It was a little disappointing but the main thing is that I feel better and I'm making steps to be healthier.

I didn't lose any weight. I'm sure my diet had something to do with that. I did however lose an inch off my waist and my hips. My arms went down a little as did my thighs. My calves actually got bigger, but they said that is to expected as the muscle grows. Looking in the mirror, I can see differences. I talked with my husband(nutrition and fitness dude) about my disappointment and he encouraged me to stay on this path and eventually I will see the results I'm looking for. For now, I knew I needed to stay focused on the two days left of boot camp.

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Today was cardio day, so if there was a day to be focused, this was it. It seemed like my heart never got a chance to rest today. We started with fast feet intervals and then moved right into the real work out. It was side shuffle this way, grapevine that way, high knee skip this way. Oh you want more? Jog here, sprint there. I'd like to take this special moment to thank my ruthless friends who told the coach to challenge me to a race on the sprint course. You know who you are, and I know where you live. I gave it my all and won, but let's face it, Mr. Six Foot Three athletic guy let me win. I have no illusions about that. When I heard a whistle, I thought I was saved. Nope. Time for shuttle races.

We lined up in teams and started a relay of sorts. In between we were told to do jumping jacks. Each time I was up, I gave it my all. I tried to recall the words of my runner friends about posture and stride. By the fourth set, all I could think was "don't throw up, don't throw up."

Now to the mats for a cool down. Wrong again. Back to fast feet with burpie/push ups each time the whistle blew. It seemed like these went on forever. Then we moved on to this weird lifting crunch overhead thing. No clue, but it FINALLY ended this workout.

My shins feel like they are bleeding and the bottom of my feet keep cramping up. I know, boo hoo. I need to get my head together. Tomorrow is graduation day and the the mile and push up test. I'm gonna get a good night's rest and kick butt.

Believe it or not, I'm running

I forgot to post yesterday. We did yoga for boot camp in a chilly church. Brooke and Jesse were deeply impressed with my ability to stick my head up my own ass. That means I'm flexible, yo.

Anyway, today was a giggle day. Perhaps we were all laughing to keep ourselves warm in the 25 degree weather. Nope, it wasn't a typo. 28 freakin bone chilling degrees. The coaches kept us moving with hurricane stations. We took turns yelling encouragement or um, heckling in my case, at each other.

I got a flu shot yesterday and my arm was a little sore, but we powered through that stations and each time we finished a set, we were to jog down to the fountain and back. Jessie called out "alright let's go" and suddenly I started just running. I was passing and weaving through fellow boot campers like I was a Mercedes in traffic. Brooke said it looked like I was being chased. It felt really good to finally be the first one to finish something. My heart tried to fly out of my chest, but I think before it cracked my rib cage, it must have realized it was way colder outside my body.

Today I have my body assessment after work to find out if I have lost any weight or inches since joining boot camp. Wish me luck!

The Little Things

It is the first day of the last week of boot camp. I had a hard time sleeping last night. I drifted off at about 1 a.m. and the alarm went off at about 4:30 a.m. Bah! No excuses, no excuses. Normally I would have talked myself out of going, but I had dinner last night at the Kerri Cafe, which means my friend Kerri got her weekly CSA and cooked all the vegetables and me and three fellow boot campers went over and ate them. Hella good, you wouldn't believe it was good for you. Highly recommend Kerri Cafe located inside the Richardson Ranch. Call for reservations and make sure you try the soup.

Anyway, I knew if I didn't show for boot camp, I would have three bad ass chicks knockin at my door wondering where the hell I was. Truth be told, even though Renee is the one we refer to as "Pollyanna," I fear her most when it comes to exercise. Demons I tell you, she has exercise demons! So I layered, layered, layered, and headed out the door.

I don't want to say it was cold, but during the warm up, my nipple cut through the seventy layers I had put on to keep me warm. They seperated us into groups and we had to do exercises like lifting, jump rope, tricep dips, so on and so forth. In between each exercise, one person from the group had to run down to the fountain and get a new exercise card. I am proud to say, I ran both ways! One exercise in particular almost did me in today. You wrap a huge rubber band around your ankles and side step. I had no idea I even had a muscle group where it hurt. I'm wondering how that will affect my walking tomorrow. It was a pretty hard workout and in no time I was shedding layers like I was working the pole.

I left boot camp feeling pretty good about myself, but very tired. I confess, I crawled back into bed for about 15 minutes after I showered.
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Even though I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to go to boot camp or work, I did. I don't have any meetings today, so it was a jeans day. I pulled a pair out of the bottom drawer. The dreaded bottom drawer full of jeans that I can wear if I lay down and wiggle and eventually button to form a huge muffin top. I follow the dressing ritual by trying to find a sweatshirt big enough to disguise it a little. Not today. I slipped them right on and then ziiiiiiip! Oh yeah. They aren't loose, but soon I tell you, soon.

It's Not What You Think

I had a rough day yesterday and instead of calling for support, I drowned my sorrows in some awesomely delicious honey bbq wings...a lot of them. Whatever, I'm just human and Buffalo Wild Wings has something in the sauce that is like crack.

This morning I heard the coaches echoing in my head about "no excuse hour." Sure, it wasn't 5:30 to 6:30 a.m., but the fact of the matter was that I wasn't doing anything but laying in bed. I wasn't even sleeping. Despite the tenderness in my knee, I strapped on the workout gear and headed to the gym for Group Power. For those who don't remember, this is basically weight lifting, but you know, in a group.

I got there and was inspired by my friends Brooke and Jessie who have been pounding heavier weights all boot camp. I loaded up my bar. I was feeling pretty good about it until I saw what the instructor was using. She says she is inching toward 70 years old and her bar was loaded like she was stocking up for the winter. I threw another weight on and lifted it with the hopes that I can look like that at 70.

For the most part, I did ok. The extra weight really kicked my butt during squats and biceps, but I was pleasantly surprised at how much I have improved since joining boot camp. I soared through the chest exercises and even noticed my body being slimmer in the mirror.

As I was looking in the mirror, I noticed a girl looking at me. She was very pretty, very toned and looked like she had been going to the gym all her life. My female insecurity took over. Inside my head I'm calling her every name in the book. I imagine throwing her down and screaming "My fat ass has just as much right to be here as you and even though I'm a biggin', at least I'm trying to change that." After class, she smiles and comes up to me and says "I was just noticing your shirt. What does that mean?" I was thinking to myself,"It means I'm an insecure idiot."

With my confidence back into place, I decide to head to the cardio theater to work on my mile. I know I can't depend on the treadmill for an time count, so I forgoe even looking at time and I powered through a mile and a half at an almost steady jog. They were playing some teeny bopper movie, that secretly I was loving. Poppy music, obnoxious clothes and hairstyles. Count me in.

Joint Affection

Yesterday we got the Voice Tribune and there was an article about a busty Polipino and her man getting hitched. Ah yes, I'm sure people in Louisville are tired of reading about me, but as my dear friend Kerri pointed out, I'M A PR MACHINE!!! Click on the link to see an awesome shot of my boobs...and the story in the paper.

http://www.voice-tribune.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=655&Itemid=25

It is more flattering than the ass shot of me and my friend Jessie pushing a truck at boot camp. Check us out, you have to scroll in about 6 minutes and 30 seconds to see us. I'm the shorty in the blue shirt.


Today we voted on yoga or serpentine circuit training. All the effing over achievers decided we should do the circuit training. Bastards. Lucky for me, it was more weight lifting with just a bit of cardio. Unlucky for me, I hurt my knee on the second station. They were jumping jacks. Seriously, who hurts themselves doing jumping jacks?

I took some ibuprofen and I'm hoping it will start to feel normal again soon. I still went through all the stations almost three times! I was afraid my workout wasn't very good, but when I got home, my t-shirt was drenched. That's sexy talk for "I was sweating like a pig."

I didn't tell the coaches that I hurt my knee because last week I hurt the other knee and at this point, I didn't want to look like a big sissy. So the last running exercise, I pushed myself and actually did a little jog. Well, I'm limping like I spent the weekend in prison, so I must have done a number on it. Dammit. At least I have the weekend to recover.

Dude, weeeeak!

Girl power was in full force today and we all had the giggles. What a great way to start out the day. On the way to boot camp, the 90's channel was rockin LFO, Summer Girls. LFO is ridiculous, but I'm secure enough with myself to say that I freaking LOVE their lyrics. C'mon, they like girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch. Lyrical genius. For those of you who don't remember, here ya go.


At least it knocked the hampster on a piano song out of my head. If you haven't had the pleasure, make sure you check it out for a definite mood boost.


My friends Jessie, Brooke and Renee kept me laughing through most of the warm up. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty pumped. We got out our weights and mats and I thought it would be smooth sailing as I have always been better with weight training than cardio. Lucky, lucky me. They incorporated both. We began with shoulder presses and just when I thought I couldn't lift the weight one more time, the whistle blew and they called for us to pulse the weight up. This torment continued through tricep lifts, dumbell squats with sprinkles of jumping jacks and burpies in between. I realized at this point how weak I was.

For added fun, we practiced agility by running through cones and rings and other nonsense of the sort. On the upside, I stayed with a slow jog and didn't throw up. Go me.

Back to the mat. It was time to work on abs. Crunches with dumbells. What drunken aerobics bunny dreamed this one up? We followed them with something called a Russian twist. I dated a Russian once. Nice looking but his English needed some work. This exercise was just about as awkward as our first date.

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I left wishing I could hold the planks we did for the full 30 second intervals. Perhaps that will be my goal to hit before boot camps ends. One day and one week left. When it is over, I'll be ready to kick some ass.

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Amazing Polipino

Today was Amazing Race day at boot camp. They gave us a card with several tasks and we had to finish them twice. Jessie was sweet enough to partner up with me, even though I run like I'm stuck in mud. I have been sick and missed boot camp for two days, so needless to say, it was not my finest hour.

My buddies Brooke and Renee were given a road block which meant they had to do additional exercise. In their case, it was giving each other a piggy back ride. Jessie and I watched in horror, secretly praying that we wouldn't get one of those. Jessie is a tall, leggy blonde and even though I think my little legs would have been able to carry her weight, there is a pretty good chance her feet would still reach the ground as I carried her, so it would have looked like she was mounting me. On the flip side, she would have found out how much weight can be packed into a five foot Polipino, and I'm pretty sure she would have cursed the day she met me. As my husband tells me, I'm not little, I'm concentrated.

We didn't finish all the exercises, but I got to write quite a few in my handy dandy exercise/food journal. I knew I could have done more, but still I feel pretty proud for what was accomplished. I really didn't want to get out of bed and start up again, but feeling better about myself will happen one day at a time. Right now, I'm eating grilled squash for lunch instead of a burger. Now that is frickin amazing.

TGI what the F?

Oh how I would welcome the weekend with open arms, if I could only lift them.

We are officially at the end of week two for boot camp. My husband had to go out of town for work last night so I thought it would be nifty to drown my lonliness in my anniversary cake stuffed with chocolate truffle and cream cheese from Gallery House. Holla. Yes, that is what I had for dinner. Don't judge me.

I have been working my butt off at boot camp for two long weeks and dammit I deserved a treat. So at first I picked at it when I passed it. It sat there in our glass cake stand wooing me with its buttercream frosting. I grabbed a fork. I don't know when I decided to fling the utensils to the side, ram my face into the side of its decadent sweetness and just began to chew. Ok, it didn't quite happen like that, but after several slices, I decided the rest of the cake would be better off with the kids next door.

I figured I'd work it off at boot camp this morning. It didn't rain early this morning, so instead of yoga, we were at Cherokee Park for cardio day. What is cardio day? I'm glad you asked. It is apparently a day set aside to see if you can literally run so much you throw up a kidney. I'm convinced the coaches did not get the memo about Friday being a day of rest. Either that or they were not hugged enough as children. I don't want to sound like they are mean. They are actually quite supportive. Everytime you pass one they give you a peppy, "good job." Translated it means "Congratulations on not passing out despite the lack of air in your lungs/blood in your face."

When I got home, I got dressed in a new outfit. I have some new stockings I wanted to try out and I needed a pick me up. I realized that today's workout had actually made my calves swell. For the record, sucking air in sharply does not work the same way for zipping up boots as it does for jeans. Nonetheless, I was looking cute, so I owned it. I even got a compliment on my stockings, but it was short lived as I realized minutes later that my spanx were sticking out from the bottom of my hem. Awesome.

Petty, coat, junk, shun

Have you ever gone to an event and you felt like you were having a really good time, but it was nothing compared to talking about what a good time you had afterwards?

This morning I got up without an alarm. I didn't feel much like moving. The air outside seemed warm, but I still brought a coat. I ended up not needing it. Isn't it supposed to be freakin November? Damn Kentucky weather.

It was "junk yard" day at boot camp. You run through some hurdles, rings, obstacles, sprinting, shuffling, grapevining, more shuffling and then you pick up something from the junk yard. In this case the junk was bananas, granola bars, bottles of water and the like. Then you have to put it all back, but you do exercises depending on what kind of junk you picked up. It may have been one of the most challenging days of boot camp yet. One of the obstacles was pushing a 7500 pound truck! My heart felt like it was going to explode, my lungs were burning and my legs almost gave out during the last run through.

I told my buddy Jessie that I was not speaking to her because she is the one who got me into this mess. I even through out an inappropriate comment during stretching and she almost went all Detroit on me. Which would mean I would have to go all Yuma, Ariz. on her. For those of you who don't know, that means she would kick the crap out of me and I would lay there and sweat and cry. Luckily it was toward the end of boot camp. We were so exhausted, so if she had come after me, it probably would have been the funniest ass kicking I've ever gotten. I should know. With a mouth like mine, I've gotten plenty of ass kickings.

Renee and I carpooled today and the 90's station let us rock out to Candy Rain by Soul for Real and Rush, Rush by Paula Abdul. We discussed the battle between ABC and Kriss Kross "at the playgrouuuuund, that's where I saw this cutie."

When I got home, my husband was rubbing his eyes and just getting out of bed. I couldn't wait to tell him of all my adventures before the sun even came up, but he wasn't having it. He totally blew me off! Fear not, he will be punished. Next time we have intimate time, I'm going all Yuma on his ass.

Back in the Saddle

I'm back at boot camp. I was still half asleep on my drive there this morning. My mom used to let me stay home when history was made. With the new president-elect, I could have totally used a "stay at home" pass today.

I don't think the Boot Camp coaches got the memo. We did a little warm up and then they handed us cards with a list of exercises. My began with jumping jacks. I thought that had to be the worst of it until I noticed my next direction was to run down to the fountain and back. Toe taps, knee skips, high steps, jump rope. I thought this wave of torture would never end.

My body started to revolt. My head felt dizzy, which was quasi amusing as I ducked and jumped from one side of a volley ball net to the next. I was waiting to misjudge my step and clothesline my face on the net. That would have been true comedy in the morning.

The card read Circuit 2x. When I finished the second time through, I felt like an angel had touched my hand and said "it's ok little one, follow us, you can come home now." Nope, that was definitely my imagination. I hear the coach say "grab some water, start it over again."

I wanted to shake her and say "Don't you know we elected a black president!? That means I should be in bed eating cereal and watching the news!" I don't think she would have understood.

There are lots of mixed emotions about the presidential election. I think we had two good men running and one of them won. That is good enough for me. Perhaps I could borrow some of that hope they keep talking about as tomorrow's boot camp promises to be a tough one.

My Husband, The Hero

My husband and I have survived our first year of marriage and what a wild and amazing ride it has been! After we celebrated our first anniversary, I know the best years are yet to come.

Since our anniversary actually fell on Monday, we decided we would celebrate on Saturday. He said he had a day of surprises in store, so I was to dress up and not ask any questions.

We went to my friend Kerri's house where we had some champagne. She was all dressed up too, so I had to assume she was doing something with us. I was then informed that my other friends Renee and Brooke were also in on this deal. (Brooke ended up not being able to come because of a family emergency, but she was missed.) The doorbell rang and outside, a limo was waiting for us. We were introduced to our driver Tom who ended up being a wealth of knowledge about the city of Louisville. Go figure.

Inside the limo were huge gift bags for each of us with our names on them.

They were stuffed with girl treats like chocolate, shampoo, soap, bubble bath, candles, dvds and gift cards to several stores at the Oxmoor Mall, which turned out to be our next destination.


So we sipped on champagne until we got there.
His plan was that we would go on a shopping and get little treats from Macy's, Sephora, Bath and Body Works, and Old Navy. He would meet up with us later.

Check us out at Macy's. Yes, I did wear the tiara the whole time.
I picked up a ring with leaves vining together. It reminded me of the night he proposed with leaves he had picked for me when we first met. He loves me, even though I make faces like this.

After all that shopping, we were pretty hungry. We got back into the limo where there was a bottle of wine chilling and a box of chocolate covered strawberries.

Yum! The white chocolate ones were my favorite.

We devoured them even though we knew we were heading to dinner. I was thrilled to find out we were eating at Morton's The Steakhouse! They even had special menus at our table.

I had steak and lobster.

Renee and Kerri had steak and seafood. There was so much food, but we muscled through and ate our fill, especially the mac and cheese.

The chef gave me a hat, but we agreed the tiara was more fitting.

After an amazing dinner we were off to our next destination. We were all pretty sure we knew where this was ending. Jeremy proposed at The Brown Hotel, we were married at The Brown Hotel. C'mon, I'm slow, but I was pretty sure I knew where we were going.
Sure enough, my darling husband was waiting in front for me.


We said goodnight to the girls and Jeremy and I headed into the hotel.

He had reserved the same room we had for our wedding night and filled it with candles and more wine and champagne.

I lost my camera in all the excitement so I am relying on my friends for these pics. It was truly one of the most wonderful days of my life.

No day is complete without cake. My friend Leah Stewart made us a special cake to eat on the day of our anniversary, but honestly we hacked into that sucker almost as soon as we got it home.


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